Gage is in his 2nd year of Kindergarten. It’s going much better than last year, thank you very much.

In order to present a complete picture I’ll have to look back. Gage started missing milestones at about 8 months old. So I have known since he was a year old that he was developmentally delayed. Regrettably, he didn’t receive any therapy until 19 months. He’d been followed by our pediatrician, and at his one year appointment was referred to an ophthalmologist THAT SAME DAY for his lagging, slow-to-focus eyes and to a neurologist within that month for his slow gross motor skills. Within 1 minute the ophthalmologist diagnosed him with Ocular Motor Apraxia. She casually said he’d be a little clumsy in his young years, but develop visual coping skills by the time he was five. She said he probably wouldn’t be great at sports because of visual tracking. As you might imagine we were sad, but not devastated.

A month later we visited our local children’s hospital and were rotated in to see neurologist Dr. Last in His Class where we explained that Gage had been diagnosed with OMA and was still belly crawling, not babbling, no interest in standing, slow to blah, blah, blah. Dr. Last in His Class told us that “some kids are just slow walkers and talkers.” That we should just let him develop at his pace and should follow up in 6 months. Six months later we found ourselves rotated in (luckily) to neurologist Dr. First in His Class who took one look at 18 month old Gage, said “this little one needs therapy” and sent us on our way dazed and confused with a prescription for evaluations on all fronts. Within 30 days Gage started an aggressive schedule of 7 appointments a week and life as we knew it changed. We were raising a special needs child.

Gage was three when Quinn was born and they were diagnosed with ARPKD. We proceeded pretty much as one would expect – keeping up with doctor visits, therapy and evaluations, and doing the normal things families do like sending little ones to church preschools. Gage’s first year (3 year old preschool) was magical. A teacher who cared about the little boy with the funny eyes, who couldn’t be understood 50% of the time, who was the only child that wasn’t potty trained and had trouble connecting with other kids because he could only be understood 50% of the time. This teacher fostered one of Gage’s special friendships that have endured a move away from the area and this teacher was mindful to check in with me about Gage, offer suggestions about helping him, making a special point to keep me informed of Gage’s achievements. I think fondly of this year because of this teacher.

Preschool – age 4 – not so great. Gage didn’t seem to mind the teacher that year. To him, she was friendly and his needs at school were met. I had great hopes for input about Gage’s abilities and ways we could help him since this teacher was studying FOR HER MASTERS IN EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION and would be an elementary teacher the next school year. She had absolutely no interest in learning about Gage’s special needs, in helping us help Gage or communicating where Gage was developmentally. Perhaps we were assuming she might have some input since SHE WORKED THERE FOR YEARS with 3 year olds. Gage seemed to still have a wonderful time, but was lagging even more in the educational area compared with other children. It was then that I thought about holding him back from entering Kindergarten and then that I knew he’d have problems. Included in my evaluation of this teacher was this note: “I’m disappointed that Ms. Seeking Her Masters didn’t take more of an interest in Gage’s special needs. I should thank her as she is my wake up call to make sure I fight harder in the coming years for Gage’s educational needs.” Over a year later, I’d heard she’d spoken with another class parent who I am friendly with – crying – wondering why I’d evaluated her like that and what she did to upset me. Um…okay.

We decided to move to an area that would have schools better equipped for Gage and Quinn’s special needs. We visited three schools and ruled out one (that is a very interesting story about a vice principal at a public school that actually said “this might not be the right place for him” as if there was a choice for her to take him when his educational IEP said he was to be mainstreamed) and house hunting we went. We settled in two weeks before school (year 2004-05) and Gage started Kindergarten.

Even with all our efforts, therapy, special ed resources, he struggled. It showed in his uncompleted work, his behavior, and his progression of learning compared to his classmates. In October of last year we met with his teacher for a conference. Because I asked, she said yes, he needed to be held back. This was October. Six weeks into the school year. His teacher (thanked here) helped him hang in there and he finished the year at about a preschool level of knowledge.

When we started telling people Gage would be repeating Kindergarten, almost every person I told felt the need to say “my sister’s best friend’s brother’s son had to repeat kindergarten and he’s doing great now!” ending it with “it was the best thing ever!” as if they feel I need reassurance that we’re doing the right thing. The only people I believe know what they are talking about are parents who HAVE ACTUALLY HELD THEIR CHILD BACK IN A GRADE. Listen up people…I KNOW it’s the best thing – he didn’t know the alphabet at the end of Kindergarten.

I think people try to relate a story to make me feel better about the decision to hold Gage back. I know it’s the best thing for Gage in the big picture way, if you will. But if I’m honest with myself, it sucks that there is a need for being held back, and that he lost two friends who moved up, and this year, I’m sure to get those quizzical looks when people learn he’ll be celebrating his 7th Birthday. Those looks lead to questions. And on any given regular day it doesn’t bother me to explain to anyone who is interested about Gage’s educational and medical circumstances. But the fact that I have to is just plain irritating.