Although it’s been hard to see Gage in pain, we’ve had a harder time being in the ICU with the other families. The ICU is not a happy place by nature of what it is…except in our case perhaps. We are the only family that is thankful to be here.

We’re the only ones grateful for the chance to see their child need the ICU. The other families that are here are here for tragic, sad reasons. We don’t belong here. We aren’t sad. We’re not in the same place they are when they hear a "Code Blue" on the speakers. We don’t need to run into the unit to see if it is our child, we know it’s not.

The hardest part of the ICU stay is feeling like we don’t belong. We certainly have contained our happiness while we’re near other families. We can’t know their suffering. Sure, we can know the tragic possibilities are there based the sheer magnitude of kidney transplant surgery and that gives us some window into their world, but we can’t really know. We’ve had years to prepare (as much as that is possible) for this scenario. Not so with many families here today.

I’m so thankful to be where we are today but I’m mindful of the many families that didn’t know last week that this was a reality.

And I’m sad for them. Really sad.  And then I learn Gage’s creatinine is 0.5…not just normal, but completely normal by medical standards. A pull in two directions at the same time.