As we’ve been battling Gage’s behavior lately I’ve been wondering how much of his behavior problems and educational challanges are as a result of kidney failure and neurological development.

Not that it matters in our daily routine or the Operation Get the Control Back, Take 2 of behavior mod, but it makes me think about what life might have been like if…

If only we were overrun with healthy kidneys.

I know it’s likely that Gage might have always been a "difficult" or "strong willed" child but perhaps it might have been easier to deal with if we weren’t busy managing him medically, and then the last year trying to keep him alive and get him transplanted. I’m sure it would have been easier for him, in his own internal struggles, if he weren’t dealing with dialysis, missed opportunities, and busy trying to live life.

As parents it’s easy to let go of normal educational and developmental goals when you are focused on helping your child live (live). It sounds so dramatic to say it that way but it is the truth. And let’s face it, I’m nothing if not dramatic.

Gage doesn’t have much confidence either. Julian says how Gage exhibits his frustration is exactly how he felt when he was younger. Julian says that if he couldn’t do it right the first time he often felt overwhelmed at the task. Gage gives up easily. It pains me to see and it leaves me feeling like I can’t help him enough to get through it. It doesn’t end at academics either. It flows over into sports, home life, computer games, you name it. So what is crappy kidneys and what is just who the boy is?

That’s why I am so interested in this study about kidney failure and neurological difference in kids ages 0-9. Obviously, if the powers that be are studying it, then there is merit to the possibility that kidney failure has a negative impact on brain development.