You turned 6 today and I can’t believe it. We celebrated with a Breakfast-Come-As-You-Are-Dora-Pajama Party! What fun you had!

Six years ago today I was ecstatic that a girl had joined our family. I was worried about how Gage would handle no longer being center of the universe in the family and I was worried about how I would handle two kids!

I found out a couple of days later that those were the least of our worries for our family. You’d been diagnosed with polycystic kidney disease (ARPKD) and our world changed with the call of an unsympathetic doctor who thought it was appropriate to tell us that news on the phone and not give us any options about what to do next. As it stood, we had no idea what your kidney function was and if you would need a kidney transplant in a month or 10 years. We brought you home in tears and I have the video to prove it.

When I picked up the phone that day and heard the news that you would "need a kidney transplant to survive" and a couple of days later when a pediatrician told us "take her home and love her as long as you have her" I went to a very dark place. I couldn’t imagine my life without you because from the moment you were born I was a different person. Not only because you required different needs than I was prepared for, but because I knew that you would make me a different mother.

You are one of the happiest people I know. You look at life from a fresh perspective and I get to see the world with you. Some of the simplest pleasures I have raising you come from watching you experience life. You are a fun-loving girl, who is not so hung up on what other people think (gee, I hope that lasts). You make the silliest faces. You love to be tickled and you love to giggle. Your laugh is infectious!

You had a rough year between 5 & 6. Gage going on dialysis shook our family and changed your little life drastically. Your birthday party was just about the week we rushed to get a catheter placed and off to the hospital 3x a week I went with Gage. We no longer had leisure time together as mother and daughter. For those three dialysis days a week I barely saw you and at the time it affected you more than I cared to admit. Your frequent telling comments like "I wish I was on dialysis" and "when I get a new kidney" rocked me both with sadness and laughter. What could I say to you?

You’ve learned so much this year! You mostly know and can write the entire alphabet. We are working on sight word recognition right now and I can see your very brain cells growing in front of my eyes. Your school is a magical place where you see children like yourself with different abilities and allows you both the chance to be understood for your qualities and accomplishments and the chance for you to understand how important it is for you to understand others accomplishments within their abilities. You learned how to jump with both feet this year! You and K, your therapist, have been working on that for a very long time. You can pretty much navigate curbs and steps now. This has helped greatly in your ability to keep the rest of your teeth in your mouth!

When I am having a particularly bad time with all that is our life with you and your brother’s special needs, you are what makes me wake up in the morning to do it all again. You love to snuggle and you love my kisses – which I appreciate more than you will ever know. I long for the moments everyday when I can scoop you up into my arms. I believe that your life has brought about a transformation in me that I could have never thought possible. Thank you my Quinny B. I love you from the bottom of my soul.

Love,

Momma