I’m very irritated with Julian for an incident two weeks ago. I know…I will someday get over it.

He said something to me that hit me at the core as a mother, when I was venting about Gage’s behavior (Gage had dangerously kicked Quinn in her gut) while he was out of town for 5 days and I was getting us ready for vacation. It was the single, most hurtful thing Julian has ever said to me.

I won’t repeat it here because I don’t want Gage to ever see it or hear it, because it was, in my opinion one of the most hurtful things a husband can say to his wife regarding their challenging child. Especially because he knows how much I love my kiddos. Shame on him.

Last night as we were discussing the current plan of action for Gage’s issues, it resurfaced. I didn’t want it to, but since the basis of the hurtful comment was tied to Gage’s behavior, I ended up right back there. I am clearly not over it. It’s come up 4 times since that night nearly two weeks ago.

I’m bringing all of this to the blog because it illustrates how very sensitive issues are when you have a child (or two) with any kind of special need. As parents, as a woman and a man, and with our own experiences to draw from, we come to the situation with such different views perspectives. And it’s important to recognize that about each other as parents so you can remain unified when it all comes crumbling down. Because, as parents to two sick kids, it will. It. Will. Always. Crumble. Down. Sometime.

Much of the discussions around Gage’s current state of being – aggression, inability to express himself, lack of self control, caring and/or remorse, lack of motivation for learning, etc., end up with Julian pointing out the exact opposites of what we are talking about – as if to say, “No! Gage cares about Quinn because yesterday he did X for her!” or “When Gage did that, it wasn’t directed at you! He was just angry at X!” and I think that limits where we go with a conversation because I feel he defends Gage just a bit too much when we are trying to get nitty gritty of Gage. And let me tell you – there is nitty gritty right now.

I can see why marriages are often in trouble and some fail because of the added stress of special needs kids. I get that we both have our opinions – strong opinions. But we are still in it together. No matter what he said (I know, I’m a big tease, I’m sorry. But trust me, it was bad.) to me. He’s said he was very sorry, and he tried to explain why he said it but I am not there just yet. He asked me if I would be able to get over it. Which I think is a fair question, given that it’s come up 4 times and I’ve cried each time.

“It’s like this…” I said, “I HAVE to get over it. I don’t I have a choice.” And I will get over it…soon.

And that’s just it. When things like this crop up that distract us, because we’re a family facing complicated issues, we have to move forward from them to a common goal. Together.