The beach is good for a lot of things…we’ve been able to rest, and play and hang out together. It’s been a good trip. With this trip has come a renewed spirit to help Gage, well, get some help.
I think he is having a hard time expressing himself (always been a problem) and I think that the trauma of his life experience of being sick and then well has impacted him in a way that could be coming out now through his behavior. Honestly, he’s always been a challenge and really, what came first? The developmental delays? The sickness? It’s a complicated tangle of questions.
I know this because last night when I was talking with him I said “Do you remember when you were on dialysis?”
And he replied, “You mean when I almost died?”
My heart sank.
I said “Yes, then.”
“But you know when all of that happened, we were going to do everything we could to make sure you were cared for and that you had everything you needed in order to stay alive until you could get a kidney and that meant dialysis. And even if Ms. Jody couldn’t give you a kidney, we would not have stopped looking for a kidney for you. Because that is what we do. We take care of you and Quinny and our job is to make sure you are safe and alive and living a good life.”
Silence.
“You know, Gage, whenever you need to talk about anything I will always listen and if you need help, I will always try to help you. So you can talk to me anytime you want to talk.”
And he says, “I’m done.”
And with that comes my resolve to continue that conversation. Because there is much more to that story. And that is what the good beach brought me.
You are a damn good mama.
I second that!
Do you think he knows what’s happening to Quinn, and it’s too close for him? I just realized that if he remembers that time “when he almost died,” what does he think of what Quinn faces now? How horrible that he not only lived through the whole experience, now he’s watching his sister do the same. He might be just as scared for her as he was for himself. Maybe even more so, now that he knows what could have happened, and how blessed he’s been to have Jody’s kidney. I’m no therapist, just a reader who was so sad to hear those words from a little boy. I’m sure you’ve already considered many times, but I’d never actually thought about it until I read your blog today. I’m sorry that he had to face that horrible time in his life, and I’m sorry that he has to watch Quinn facing it now. I’m sorry that all of you have had to deal with failing kidneys not once, but twice. I’m glad there have been some fun moments on this trip and I hope you’ll learn more about what’s troubling him when you get home.
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