- I finally had a chance to speak with Quinn’s BCBS case manager and I am currently all kinds of love for BCBS. She actually said things like, “I’m here to help” and “I will follow up with that” and “If anyone has a problem, have them call me, just give them my number.” Seriously, I almost started crying when she said, “I will call your doctor and get that letter.”

- I have a new (old) car finally. It’s an older car than my last one – a 91 Volvo 240 and I love it. It’s a quriky car and Julian largely thinks it’s amusing that I have a car that cost $2000. We had to spend some money on basis repairs, but we found that in the other FIVE cars we looked at as well. Plus, I had to go to the Volvo parts seller for some tender loving care items that were cracked/broken. But it’s all good. It’s reminiscent of my VW bug that I loved. Julian made me strongly encouraged me to sell it when I got pregnant with Gage. This is that – but safer and with air (that needs a freon recharge. I love the simplicity of it – no computer chips, minimal power items to break. I am sure my mechanic is just as happy as I am about it today.

- Gage is doing fairly well. We still have some ups and downs with behavior. He still mildly talks about wanting to be dead, or wanting us to kill him, but it’s not frequent and he’s not saying he wants to kill himself. And he hasn’t grabbed a steak knife or put a rope around his neck in months. We asked to increase his anti-depressant about 6 or 8 weeks ago and there was a noticable difference in the quality of the engagement with us and with life. He plays outside daily now and is engaged with us when we’re doings something. Don’t get me wrong – he still has issues – but it is better.

- Quinn is feeling poorly. We need to get on with the transplant already. And um, I know putting this out in the universe is tempting fate – but I swear, I’m going to lose it if she goes on dialysis and I think there is a good possibility that she might need it. It’s just such a remarkable difference from a few months ago.

- I’m still loving our BCBS case manager.

- The obsessive checking of craigslist for newly listed old Volvos has brought me to the realization that if you are obsessive about car shopping your house can get pretty nasty. It’s a mess. This does not help my mood. Tomorrow really, I’m on it.

- My nephew’s situation is challenging. Because of his the type of special needs in particular he’s not fitting neatly into a specific category/program. I’m his very own case manager. Which adds to why I need a case manager for Quinn.

- Work is going well. I have some great clients who are letting us do some strong work. There is one job I opened in late 2007 that still isn’t approved and printed – and it’s just one piece. It is the longest open project I’ve ever had on the books.

- A while ago a did a post titled “100 Things About Me” and I only made it to 52. The list is now into the 70s but I am still working on it. You’d be amazed about how hard it is to come up with 100 interesting (and that is highly debatable) things about me. And the list is getting “more boringer” as Quinn would say.

- I’ve been thinking all week about becoming a vegitarian again. That’s as far as it has gone.

- I have a lot of posts brewing in my head, but I can’t seem to get them typed out. They involve…my thoughts about going into transplant #2, my fears about our good kidney (HAHAHAHAHA) karma running out, my resentment of doctors who don’t listen and one about working/mothering and how sick kids change that about me.

That about does it for today.