Since Gage’s mental health decline last year it’s been difficult to watch him not enjoy life. I mean nothing. Not friends, not outside, not playing with toys, nothing. He didn’t go outside for months beside to school and commitments. He quit climbing trees. He quit playing in the dirt and the creek behind our house.

While he’s gone from the crisis stage of wanting to kill himself – and trust me, we’re happy about that – we are a long way from him being joyful. Truly happy.

Jody and her family came over tonight for dinner and we looked through Gage’s photo scrapbooks. We both kept noticing photo after photo Gage’s genuine smile. Sadly, we were only looking at photos before his depression and PTSD. Occasionally and only if I am really looking can I see the happy boy from the past. He’s so different. I hope one day we can see the boy more than occasionally. I hope, I hope.

Gage’s attitude isn’t stellar for much. Except maybe taking apart a broken electronic or some good tree climbing. So, I’d been telling Gage that Jody was coming over, trying to get him to warm up to the idea. Cause he’s not necessarily warm around anyone these days and I was hoping he would be with her. Right before they arrived he ran upstairs and came back down and wrapped up in a blanket in the chair, which he often does. I said something to him and he leaned over the chair and lifted the blanket to show me The Shirt. The shirt we gave him the morning that Jody came to see Gage the first time since his transplant. It says I (heart) My Kidney Donor. He smiled briefly. I made a big deal about how nice and thoughtful it was of him and that I knew Ms. Jody would love that he had it on. Bigger than wearing the shirt was that he actually had the thought to put it on.

Gage just doesn’t do thoughtful things. He just doesn’t. Or if he does, they are so few and far between that I forget them. So every once in a while he does something like this and I think to myself that he just might be okay. He might get better one day and live joyfully again.

I hope. I hope.