We are in crisis mode around here. Gage has been having trouble and we are trying to figure out the game plan for the next however long. Until the next time we need a new game plan.

Gage is complicated. He’s got issues on top of issues and we are constantly sorting through them all. Gage has had developmental problems since about 8 months old. For nearly 10 years he’s been chasing after a goal. Always behind. Goal after goal. For 10 years now he’s been evaluated, tested, pushed and pushed. We’ve fought for nearly every step walked, every letter on the page, every word pronounced properly, every single item learned. We, as his parents have fought hard for his learning. But he had to do the work.

And then on top of that? He had to fight to live. Years of testing and monitoring and medication. Years of his body giving up on him and feeling sick. For an unknown amount of time he couldn’t concentrate on much so he wasn’t able to learn as he did before and he struggled more. Then came complete kidney failure, near death to dialysis and treatment until a transplant, for which he didn’t have the maturity to deal with the emotional component.

It’s no wonder he’s having trouble coping with life. The health and developmental odds haven’t been all that kind to Gage and he’s working through the issues associated with the hand he’s been dealt. We all are.

We navigate each new problem with a best known solution at the time. I am constantly trying to figure out how to deal with the new problem that arises from Gage’s behavior. That includes just about every behavior plan on the planet, a couple of meds and an array of tactics that involve more discussions and tears and research than I care to recall right now.

Gage is the way he is because he just is. He’s the way he is because of many things. A mixture of how we parent. A mixture of the experiences he’s had in his 10 short years. So when people judge me and then email me about my parenting techniques, I get a little pissed off.

I’m extremely sensitive about parenting Gage. I sometimes blame myself, but really, that’s just because that’s what parents do. I don’t really think that I’ve messed Gage up with how I parent. Gage is just Gage. It’s my job to always try to reach the real Gage and give him a voice.

Do I do things wrong sometimes? Sure. Do I second guess a situation with Gage and his behavior? Of course, what parent doesn’t? But I know Gage the best. Not you. So you have no right to tell me that Gage is lacking discipline. For starters, it’s not true, but the bigger problem is you have no idea what is involved in parenting this child and what works and what doesn’t.

So shut the hell up.