We know Gage can be hard to be around sometimes. He can be inappropriate in what he does and says. He can be destructive and he doesn’t always do the right thing.

But he can also be charming, funny, sweet and engaging.

Unfortunately a lot of people don’t always get to see the nice side of Gage and sometimes they don’t even want to look for it. That leaves us with a lot of people in our everyday life who don’t like Gage or care to be around him.

One day Julian was nearby keeping an eye on Gage, as we often do, and Julian heard a person saying something about Gage to another child. Julian asked this person if they were talking about Gage, they said said no, and got in their car and left. Then the adult came back a short time later and told Julian that they had lied, felt very badly about doing it, but yes, the conversation earlier was about Gage. They felt bothered about the incident and decided to come back and apologize. For which I have a lot of respect, honestly. I have a feeling it just bothered them though that Julian overheard it, not that anything negative was said.

Sometime later I saw this person, who I had politely acknowledged over a few days and they approached me. Really, they didn’t have to, I had just made a mental note to be extra attentive of Gage if they were around. But this person came up to me and said they were sorry for what had happened and that they actually had a soft spot for Gage. They just hadn’t realized it was Gage when Julian overhead them.

The conversation this person and I had was uncomfortable because I had to tell this person many of type of following statements…

“It’s okay, we know a lot of people don’t like Gage.”

“It’s fine, really, we know a lot of people don’t know how to take what he says or does.”

“It’s just a part of raising Gage, realizing and accepting that a large majority of people don’t like him. It’s a part of our everyday life, so it is something we are used to.”

“We understand that you may not like him, it’s okay, really.

“I accept your apology, and I appreciate you saying something.”

“We understand it’s hard for people to accept him. This just goes along raising him.”

“We know that generally people who aren’t close to us do not like him.”

“I don’t know if you know, but it’s been a really hard year for him…blah, blah”

This person was visibly upset and said they didn’t want to be that type of person. Unfortunately it happens. This person just happened to be called out on it and had to face their own judgmental attitude, which isn’t easy to do.

But it’s the reality. Human nature. People are judgmental. They see Gage doing or saying something he shouldn’t be and they judge. They judge us as his parents and they judge him. They pull their kids away from him and they isolate him instead of interacting with him in a way that helps him learn. And Gage’s world is just more limited and feeds into the cycle of isolation which has limited friends and social interaction to begin with.

But, having said all of that. I understand. I’m just sad that we have to know that people don’t like him, or that people don’t give him a chance. And what’s more, for the record, when your kids are having medical, social, and emotional problems you don’t need people to shun you – you need more people to embrace your family. You need, most especially, more people to embrace your child.

People really are missing something special when they bypass getting to know Gage. When he’s engaged, as he is a little bit more these days, he’s full of ideas about inventions and he sees the humor in life. He’s a mischievous thinker as well as problem-solving. The few friends that he has really like him. They think he’s nice and funny and wild and they like being around him.

I wish more people did, because honestly, it’s hard. It’s hard emotionally to face that your kid isn’t liked. But it’s not the end of the world. Gage is alive. And slowly but surely he’s engaging with life again. I’m grateful for his life. The hopes I have for his life involve a greater self esteem, that he will have a few best friends through life, that he graduate high school somehow, and find a job he’ll be happy with and that has insurance benefits. I hope he won’t kill himself.

See why I can’t spend too much energy on worrying if people like Gage? As a family we gravitate towards people that see the spark in him without us having to point it out. And I’m forever grateful for those people – the few parents that encourage their kids to accept and have friendships with Gage, adults who are in his life who appreciate him, the friends of ours that accept him the way he is, without judgement. You know who you are.