Let this be a lesson from Quinnlin.

Post-Transplant, Pre-Bath

Post-Transplant, Post-IV

How does Gage really feel about school? And no, we won’t allow him to wear it to school.

“Homework Kills Trees, Stop The Madness!”

So happy for an easy post on my posting everyday month thing.

Just your typical day at the graveyard.

Oh Gage, I know you aren’t happy much. In fact, when you are happy we notice it because the moments come so few and far between. Occasionally we have a camera on hand, like last week’s impromptu trip to do something, anything outside in the beautiful sun that Atlanta offers in November. The cemetery you love and have visited many times. You love the big stones with designs, you are respectful of the graves, you like to see if doors are unlocked and you try to move fallen flower pots upright.

One thing I’ve always noticed about our trips to cemetery is that you always want to know how old people are who are buried there. From the tombstones we count the years. “How old is he?” you say to me. You notice the babies and kids buried there with interest and we talk about their lives. We talk about their parents. We talk about how in 1901 that there weren’t many doctors and treatments and that those babies aren’t as lucky as you and Quinn are to get dialysis and kidneys. Because a long time ago they didn’t even have medicine and doctors to take care of you.

I always let honestly lead me when we talk about the death of children. I always say, yes, they did, but they didn’t have what we have to take care of you. I say that Mommy will make sure that you and Quinn always have the right doctors and medicine. I say that Mommy is not worried about you because you are healthy and strong and you have kidneys and medicine and you have me and your daddy. And there isn’t anything we won’t do to help you live. To be happy.

And I promise to always help you through whatever you are feeling, even when you don’t understand it and don’t want to. I know that the cemetery brings out these conversations, but you still want to go and so we go. And I will always talk to you honestly and I won’t ever shut down the talk about death because it is a part of your experience as a child. I wish it weren’t because each time we have to talk about death to help you deal with your trauma a little piece of the innocence inside of me as a mother leaves me forever.

But we will deal with it together. Always.

I hope that by doing that you will return to us. Little by little.

One thing I’ve learned is that if you can get a kid to draw when they can’t find the words then they might find it through pictures. So last week during her clinic visit when Quinnlin was really feeling frustrated at having to have IVs and lab draws, we decided to wait and give her some time. During that time at clinic I asked her to draw a picture of how she was feeling.

This pretty much sums up the last week.

Quinnlin enjoys her last drive as a native kidney owner.

Oh yeah, it’s Friday. Dr. Larsen, or as I like to call him; Dr. Magical.

We were able to have a very quick visit with Cheryl yesterday after Quinn’s pre-op. Steve was driving around Cheryl like she was royalty! I’m so happy to have this pre-transplant picture.

By the time this photo was taken, I’d seen my dad do this with all his grandchildren and probably some other people’s grandchildren. I have no idea how long after this was taken that he was able to continue to do this, but it was a while. This was taken at the beach in a house shared by one of my sister’s family and my parents. Sadly, my parents decided it wasn’t a vacation to come on vacation with us so a few years after this they declared it the very LAST trip. I love this picture of my dad with my daughter and I’d like to point out that Quinn is STILL this flexible. It’s a benefit of low muscle tone. She really should get into yoga.

One of the cutest contortions she did (well, I DID, if you want to get technical) is something I started doing with her when she was an infant and was extremely behind developmentally. Because of her OMA she had trouble connecting visually and so I used to get right in her face to play and it never failed she would always smile when I raised her foot to her ear like a phone and pretended it was ringing and various people were calling.

She still does the phone thing today. It’s actually a great party trick.

We hope, ever so slightly, that our old Gage is returning to all his glory.