The Santa Secret

My son learned the truth about Santa when he was in Kindergarten. For you die-hard Santa supporters this probably sounds like sacrilege. You’re not alone: the other moms in my moms group were appalled that I’d destroyed the magic of Christmas for my innocent child. But in my own defense [and believe me, I have been defensive about this], I didn’t actually tell him that his dad and I were the ones filling his stocking on Christmas Eve; he kind of figured it out himself. Ok, with a little help from me.

He has always been precocious and thoughtful, and it occurred to him one Christmas that flying reindeer and time travel required an explanation. He wasn’t the type of kid to be appeased with, “It’s just Christmas magic.” And my more specific “special reindeer food” was as unsatisfactory to him as it was to me. He wanted to know how, and I’ll admit my lame answers raised more questions than they answered. I just wasn’t into fostering the notion of Santa, knowing that one day I’d have to confess. Further, Christmas to me isn’t so much about the chubby red fellow as it is a celebration of the birth of Christ. So building up the image of Santa wasn’t all that important to me. Finally, if someone was going to get credit for all that store-bought joy on Christmas morning, it was going to be me.

Flash-forward seven years: My moms group friends all have 11- and 12-year-olds, most of whom still believe that Santa is the person who surreptitiously slips goodies into their stockings on Christmas Eve. A couple of these kids are now in middle school and are being ridiculed by other kids who know better. And those same moms who wrung their hands at my early indiscretion are now wringing their hands about their own predicament: how they will now — after years of earnest prevarication — explain to their trusting children that mom and dad weren’t quite on the up-and-up all those years.

I don’t envy my friends their upcoming conversation. This is the age when we’re also talking to our kids about puberty and other sometimes-uncomfortable topics. So adding this to the mix will probably be painful for parent and kid alike.

I plan to follow-up with my friends who successfully manage to enlightened their tweens without destroying their faith in their parents and everything else they believed to be true because my young daughter isn’t as questioning as her older brother, and I fully expect to find myself in their position in a few years.

By Lori Thiel

I was out of town then in town, now out and well, the blog got moved the back burner because well, I guess I needed a break, then my friend Lori – a real writer – gave me a post about Santa and it is spectacular, just like her, so I thought to myself, “How awesome, I can put off posting another day!”

So thanks Lori…I’m going to hit you up again. Maybe this week.

Get her this. Well, actually, if it weren’t so pink I bet Gage would make some. He was very intrigued.

Really. The Gourmet Girl Candy Jewel Factory. Quinn had seen this on TV and been begging for it for a long time. I also got her the Ring Maker. We’ve not made a ring yet, but we made two necklaces. Oh my, how she loved it. It was easy. And she squealed in delight. Saying, “I can’t believe we just made this!” I have no idea if it will last past making the two necklaces we made today but it sure was fun. (Candy pellets melt into molds with sprinkles melted by a light bulb.). I see that the ring maker doesn’t have a melting contraption so I don’t know if we use the melter thingy for the ring.

We declared that we will make it all during winter break!

And also, I was not paid or asked to tell you this!

So what if he only went to 4 houses and quit because of the rain. He really did look like Mola Ram from Temple of Doom – he’s the heart-taking bad guy who enslaved little children. I know. Gage chose him to emulate.

Quinn on the other hand, made a beautiful “Girl Vampire” and enjoyed talking about how vampires bite hard. I know that vampires are all the rage, so it’s good to support her knowing about current events. Quinn also lasted over two hours. In the rain. Julian was dismayed about that one.

Yeah, I made their costumes. It’s a curse, knowing how to sew.

I have an Internets Peoples friend who is very, very supportive – with first-hand knowledge – of  Gage’s mental health issues going through a rough time.

Planned for a while, she’s admitted herself into a psych ward of a nice hospital to do a complete med change because of her safety. She takes care of her mental health like no one I know and she’s covered and smothered with care from her doctors. Wonderful doctors who have treated her for years.

She could use some encouraging words. I’m doing updates for her and checking her emails and forwarding nice ones to her. Her blog is a fascinating honest look at mental health issues from someone who is on the other side of it. She’s not a witness like me, she is the story.

She identifies with Gage as her younger self and somehow I find it comforting when she emails me and says she understands him. I have hopes with our extra help that Gage will end up being a self advocate like she is for herself. She is one of the bravest people I know.

This is her blog. She would love all messages, even if you just tell her she’s brave (am not sure she believes this), or that it will get better. Tell her thanks for being so giving with her insight with me. She found my blog by googling something kidney related and well, that was like at the beginning of Gage’s depression.

She sent Quinn the now TV famous sheep Quinn named Sophia. She also recommended the weighted blanket for Gage. See what I mean? She’s giving and knowledgeable AND BRAVE.

Go ahead and comment. It’ll make you feel good and her feel good. Thank you.

In the car during a family outing, we’re at a stop light, looking out the window and see someone walking by:

Quinn: “Wow, that girl with her belly!”

Me: “Yes, that is wow, but that’s not a girl.”

Gage, stretching to look: “I gotta see this.”

Quinn: “That was a boy? Cause it didn’t look like a boy.”

Me: “Well, that man was dressed as a woman.”

Gage: “Why?”

Me: “Some people believe they were born and they are in the wrong body. Girls feel on the inside that they are boys and boys like they are girls, or some people just like wearing the other gender’s clothes. They are called transvesti*es. Sometimes people even want to change their body parts to match the person they feel like on the inside. They are called transse*uals.”

Julian: Completely silent with eyes facing forward and no expression.

Quinnlin: “I wish I was a boy.”

Me: “I know, you’ve said that before.”

Quinnlin: “I like to be a girl sometimes, but sometimes I wish I were a boy.”

Gage: “I NEVER wished I was a girl.”

Me: “Well, I would love both of you no matter if you thought you were a boy or girl or wanted to dress like a boy or girl.”

Quinnlin: “I am hungry.”

Gage: “I am not hungry.”

They moved on quickly. Julian still silent. He NEVER saw that conversation coming.

Sometimes when I need to escape, I read Best of Craigslist.

Lost: My Right To Marry

I went to bed early last night and when I woke up, I discovered I’d lost my right to marry. It’s pretty easy to recognize–four California Supreme Court justices spotted it several months back, although it took them a long damn time to finally find it. It’s in like-new condition–I personally haven’t had a chance to use it yet, and was really looking forward to the opportunity. A couple of my friends and family still have theirs, and even enjoy it so much they’ve used it several times. If you can find it for me, I’d really appreciate getting it back. I’m not sure, but I think the shady gang of thugs who stole it were heading for Utah or maybe Fresno, so please keep an eye out. Thanks.

From the West Wing after Josh had an emergency psych meeting because of PTSD episode after he was shot during an assassination attempt…

Leo: How’d it go?

Josh: He thinks I may have an eating disorder and a fear of rectangles.

Leo: Josh…

Josh: I didn’t cut my hand on a glass, I broke a window in my apartment…

Leo: “This guys walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up “Hey you, can you help me out?” The doctor writes a prescription and throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, “Father, I’m down in a hole , can you help me out?”  The priest writes down a prayer and throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by and the guy says, “Hey Joe, it’s me, can you help me out?”  The friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says “Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here?” The friend says, “Yeah but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

That pretty much sums it up, no? My Friends are spectacularly wonderful, like that.

My mechanic called and told us the bad news. Even though they can fix my car (for $3,000) they do not recommend it. We can drive it until the engine quits (something about piston seals) but it’s loud and kind of my very own special version of The Clampets, Volvo Station Wagon Style.

We’re fortunate I can drive it for a bit (who knows how long?) while we really shop and compare another used car. My budget is under $5,000, preferably around $4,000. My current Volvo cost $3,750 in cash…and I’m going to miss her. She was trashy but dependable. You could throw up in her (Gage did many times) and she wiped down easily. She wasn’t the best looking car out there, but she held her own.

I’m going to miss her.

I had to wait to get my food from a McDonald’s at a food court in the A gate of the Dallas airport. And you know what I witnessed?

- The employees follow-through.

- They were also smiling. Polite. To both customers and each other.

- They said ma’am and sir.

- They thanked a soldier for her service.

- When they had down time, they came around front of the counter and looked for trash and picked some up.

- They offered to bring me my food to the table.

- Not one person behind the counter was chewing/cracking gum.

- When I asked for a condiment, the guys said, “Absolutely!”

Seriously. I have no idea who trains these employees, but they must be the best, most motivating trainer in the world. And the owner of this franchise must work at keeping his employees happy!

I’m going to look up this franchise and send them a letter. I so have time to do this. And I am going to do this.

As I navigate new territory in government services for an adult family member with special needs I am awestruck by their helpfulness.

I like to tell Julian that it must be Obama – that he is so good and wonderful that already, our government is running more smoothly. Julian isn’t buying it.

But everyone I have talked to in both state and federal programs (something like 15 people) have been completely competent. Not only have they answered questions, they’ve made suggestions about other services this family member might qualify for and who we should contact and what items we would need to file.

Between the Inauguration and the courtesy that the government has shown me, I’m feeling all kinds of love for them right now.

I hope it stays that way during the approval processes as well.